Many parents feel helpless if their child is bullied at school. Being bullied can lead to long term psychological damage to your child. It can also escalate to physical harm or cause a drop in grades or other school consequences. Unfortunately, laws in many states have not caught up with the problem of bullies at school. There are some things that you can do and there is hope and help for children who experience bullying.
Usually when we hear about kids being bullied at school, it means a tragic outcome. But recently a 16 year old Northern Michigan girl named Whitney Kropp rallied her entire community to turn the table on girls who bullied her. When Whitney was nominated to the homecoming court, the boy nominated with her withdrew. She learned that it was all a part of a cruel high school prank. However, once the word spread in her small town, businesses came forward urging her to go to the prom. Local businesses donated a makeover, a new dress and even bought her dinner for prom night.
Whitney has gained national attention. Her story reigns as a sign of hope for other children. Whitney Kropp’s story brought national attention to the school bullying problem faced by many at some point in their lives. Many organizations form on behalf of children who suffer from bullying at school.
Is Your Child Being Bullied at School?
While 49% of children report bullying at school, only 32% of parents believe them. That is, if told about it at all. Your child will not tell you outright if he or she is being bullied at school. Usually, they will make excuses not to go to school; go to the nurses office frequently or try to deal with a bully on their own, instead. Be on alert for changes in your child’s behavior or attitude towards school. Then ask questions if you suspect that your child may be the victim of a school bully.
What to do?
The first thing you should do when you suspect bullying or they confide in you about the problem, is to have a conversation. Depending on his or her age, sex, gender and the type of bullying they are experiencing, they may have different ideas about what is an appropriate response to school bullies than you do. Have a conversation and find out about the seriousness of the situation. You may not need to intervene at all, you could just help your child develop a strategy that will allow him to avoid or curb the behavior of the bully or bullies at school. It could be as simple as sitting in a different seat on the bus, or walking to school with an older child.
Be sure to follow up with your child to find out if the plan you have made with him or her during the discussion was successful. Committed bullies are unlikely to stop without adult intervention. Look for ways you can help your child cope with self esteem building exercises, extracurricular activities and/or counseling.
Should I Call the Other Child’s Parents?
In most cases, it will not be helpful for you to contact the other child’s parent. Many parents will naturally come to the defense of their own child, and they are more likely to believe what their child tells them. If the parents of the offending child are going to be notified, you should allow the school to take care of this.
They are likely to be more receptive to a third party who has investigated the complaint impartially.In cases where you are friendly with the other child’s parent, it may be appropriate to contact them. Be aware that even if the other parent takes their bullying child’s behavior seriously, they may be ineffectual at stopping the bullying behavior. If this turns out to be the case, your relationship with the other parent could become strained if you need to take additional actions on behalf of your child.
Report the Bully or Bullies to the School
Call the school, or make an appointment to speak with the principle. The school should take bullying seriously and investigate the conflict immediately. Do not allow the school to set up a “mediation” or a meeting between your child and the harassing child or children. This can embarrass your child, cause an increase in the bullying behavior and encourage your child not to talk to you if bullied again.
Push school officials to do the right thing by your child. Do not allow them to punish your child in an attempt to avoid a conflict or not deal with the problem. For example, the school may try to change your child’s schedule instead of punishing or changing the bully’s schedule. That is not right, any consequences that the school imposes should be on the child that has done something wrong.
Keep Documentation
You want to keep documentation of your child’s statements, reports made and any other communications that you have with the bullying child’s parents or the school. Keep a journal or calendar of events and save copies of any written communications. If the bullying continues, you want to have records that you complained about the bully; especially the actions taken or lack thereof. These will come in handy if you plan on complaining to higher authorities. Ask the school to keep and provide you with documentation about offenses committed against your child as well.
When to Call the Police on a School Bully
Call the police immediately if:
- Threats of serious bodily harm,
- Lastly, guns or other deadly weapons of any kind involved.
You can file a harassment complaint against a juvenile. Call your local police departments non-emergent telephone number to get more info. If your child is the victim of assault and battery, you (or the school) should seek immediate medical treatment.
Due to an increase in teen suicide and other serious injuries that are the result of the behavior of school bullies, many states have passed or are considering legislation to impose more stringent consequences on children who bully others. Research the laws specific to your state and also contact an attorney if necessary to inquire about their rights.
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